But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
