But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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