there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
