absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this will be a night to untag.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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