Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
