the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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