Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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