I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
