I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
