I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
