He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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