Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
