Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
