im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
