but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
