Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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