Have you finally orgasmed yet?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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