tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize