Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
