dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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