You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I smell stomach acid.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
