you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
