Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
