Please, let me fuck your mom
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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