I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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