You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I believe in your delicious
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
