Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
