one two three fourrrrnication!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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