Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
