I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
