i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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