You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
