I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
