what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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