So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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