Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
