We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am spending my child support on dildos
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
