Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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