ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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