I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
