Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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