I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
