You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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