I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
