i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she looked like the before picture.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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