So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
