If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Fuck appropriateness.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
