Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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