My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Too much gin, very little bucket
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
