there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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