Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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