I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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