when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
