She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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