i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
