I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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