Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
