I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
