i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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