We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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