just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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