he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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