my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
