i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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