why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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